Letting Go of the Need to Be Liked in Dating

need to be liked

Discover how to shift from seeking approval and the “need to be liked” in dating to creating genuine, lasting connection.

—

If you’ve ever left a date wondering, Did he like me? instead of Did I like him? — you’re not alone.

Many of us, especially women who grew up being taught to be “nice” and accommodating, fall into this trap. We show up on dates subtly (or not so subtly) trying to win approval — smiling through awkward silences, nodding through opinions we don’t agree with, or downplaying what we really want.

It’s understandable. Being liked feels safe. It quiets that old fear of rejection and gives us a hit of validation. But here’s the problem: when you prioritize being liked over being real, you create connection on shaky ground.

Real connection only happens when you let yourself be known.

Why We Do It

The need to be liked often comes from early conditioning — to keep the peace, to avoid conflict, to be “good.” Add in the vulnerability of dating later in life, and those old habits can resurface fast.

You might think:

  • “If I’m too direct, he’ll think I’m high maintenance.”
  • “If I show my standards, I’ll scare him off.”
  • “If I just stay easygoing, maybe this will work out.”

The problem is, when you shrink, censor, or shape-shift to be more likable, you’re not giving someone the chance to fall for you. You’re giving them the chance to fall for a version of you that doesn’t exist.

The Shift: From Being Liked to Being Aligned

When you stop trying to be liked, you start looking for alignment — shared values, emotional safety, and mutual curiosity.

It’s not about rejection anymore; it’s about recognition.
You’re not trying to impress. You’re trying to connect.

Here’s how to start that shift:

1. Catch Yourself People-Pleasing

Notice when you’re filtering yourself. Are you agreeing just to avoid awkwardness? Laughing at something that doesn’t land? Saying yes when you mean maybe?

Awareness is the first step. Don’t judge it — just catch it. That tiny pause gives you a choice to respond differently next time.

2. Ask: “Do I Like Him?”

After a date, make it a rule: your first question cannot be, Did he like me?

Instead, ask:

  • Did I feel comfortable being myself?
  • Did I feel heard?
  • Was I curious to know more?

This shifts the power back where it belongs — with you.

3. Practice Micro-Honesty

You don’t have to bare your soul on date one, but you can practice small acts of authenticity. Say what you actually think about the movie. Admit when you’re nervous. Share what lights you up.

Those little moments build self-trust — and that’s what real confidence looks like.

4. Remember: Not Everyone Has to Like You

And thank goodness for that. If every man you meet “likes” you, it means you’re blending in — not standing out. Dating is about sorting, not performing.

Your goal isn’t to appeal to everyone; it’s to resonate deeply with the right one.

5. Anchor in Self-Approval

When your sense of worth comes from within, you no longer need every text or date to validate you.

Start small. Each time you speak your truth, set a boundary, or show up as your full self, give yourself a quiet mental high-five. You’re building the muscle of self-approval — one authentic choice at a time.

The Beautiful Paradox

When you stop trying to be liked, something amazing happens: you become magnetic.

Authenticity is attractive. It’s grounding. It tells a man, “This is who I am — and I trust myself enough to be seen.”

And the right man won’t just like you. He’ll respect, cherish, and choose you — for who you truly are.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.



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