How to Be More Vulnerable On Dates

Being vulnerable on dates helps you build intimacy. But what exactly is vulnerability? Check out this video to learn more.

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Why is it so important to be vulnerable on dates? And how do we define vulnerability?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines being vulnerable as:

1: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

2: open to attack or damage : ASSAILABLE, vulnerable to criticism

If this is vulnerability, no thank you, right? Most of us grew up with this definition, and we avoided being vulnerable to protect ourselves from being hurt. Unfortunately, this protection also kept us from true intimacy.

My son, Max, joined me for this video on how to be more vulnerable on dates…

How to Be More Vulnerable

Brené Brown’s definition helps us get closer in our relationships. She describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.” Loosening control allows us to create intimacy. It’s only when we lower our armor that we can let others in.

That’s why vulnerability is so important. But, you can’t just take the armor down. That’s too scary, especially if you’ve had trauma in your past relationships. 

Getting vulnerable requires deep inner work to get stronger internally, to know ourselves and our standards, and to learn to communicate authentically before we can lower our shields and let love in. That’s the work I love doing with my clients, and their success in love depends on it. 

Here’s what vulnerability is NOT when dating:

• Oversharing when you first meet someone
• Keeping quiet when you have something honest to say
• Talking about your exes

Here’s what vulnerability IS: 

• Being brave enough to share your true thoughts, and not just say what you think your date wants to hear
• Being playful or awkward
• Letting your humor come out early on
• Asking for help
• Letting your date pick up the tab, open the door, do something nice for you
• Saying how you feel on the date (I’m a little nervous)
• Being curious instead of giving advice or making assumptions
• Admitting when you’re wrong

My challenge to you is to find an area where vulnerability is most difficult, and take one baby step to be more vulnerable on dates and in the rest of your life. Please leave a comment and let me know what you decided to do.

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