Ghosted? How to Get Closure

If you’ve been ghosted, it’s painful. In this video, you’ll learn how to get closure when you didn’t get it from the person you’ve dated.

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Have you ever been ghosted? Whether it’s after a few dates or a few months, ghosting is very painful, because the person you were dating abruptly cuts off all contact with you. 

Ghosting doesn’t leave you with any closure. In this video, you’ll learn how to get closure when the person you’re dating doesn’t allow for it. 

Ghosted? How to Get Closure

Why we need closure

It’s important to process the grief and pain of the rejection we feel and the relationship ending in order to be able to move forward in the future to create healthier relationships. 

Why is ghosting so painful?

When you get ghosted, you and your love interest haven’t been able to discuss why the relationship didn’t work out. Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe there were differences that couldn’t be overcome. 

When you don’t have closure, you create your own narrative or stories about why the relationship ended, which often turn to self-doubt. “What did I do wrong?” “Why didn’t he like me?” “What if I didn’t say or do __________?”

How to stop the self-doubt

Know that the thoughts in your head are assumptions, not necessarily truths. We don’t know why the person ghosted us. And the stories we make up are probably not true. So how can we stop the self-doubt?

Ask yourself better questions, like, “Why would I want to date someone who would end things without a conversation?”

How can you prevent ghosting?

You can’t control the behavior of others, but there are several things you can do differently next time that might prevent being ghosted or taking it so hard.

1. Build trust more slowly. 

2. If you tend to have sex early on, wait until you see consistent interest from your partner. You’ll be able to think more rationally instead of letting your hormones take over and ignore red flags.

3. Don’t share your vulnerabilities as quickly. People have to earn your deeper stories, so reveal them slowly, once trust is built.

How to give yourself closure

1. Work through all your feelings; sadness, grief, relief…feel them all, so they don’t linger and come back again and again.

2. Turn your inner narrative from ‘why did he ghost me’ to ‘what can I learn from this?’ 

3. Don’t date to fill the void. Take time for yourself first.

4. Write a letter to him, but don’t send it. Thank him for what you appreciated about him. Then, tell him how you feel about how he treated you and what you wish he did instead. Wish him well, and thank him for releasing you to find someone more compatible who will treat you better.

Remind yourself that sometimes things don’t work out, and there is nothing you or your partner could have done differently. Sometimes, feelings fade, or the timing is wrong, or something else that’s out of your control. It may not feel fair, and it can be hurtful, but you are lovable and you will be okay. 

When you give yourself closure, you will build a new story for yourself, one where you know that this man was your teacher, which is an important step closer to the right relationship for you.

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