5 Signs You’re Dating an Avoidant

Are you dating an avoidant man? Pay attention to these 5 signs. If he is an avoidant, use these tips to create a successful relationship.

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Have you ever dated a man who seems warm, kind, sweet, but when intimacy increases, he began to distance himself. You might have been dating an avoidant. Pay attention to these five signs!

But first, let’s quickly review attachment theory and the three main attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant.

5 Signs You’re Dating an Avoidant

Securely attached people tend to have relationships that are long lasting and built on trust. They feel comfortable expressing feelings and needs. And they can easily meet their partner’s needs.

Anxiously attached people tend to feel insecure in relationships. They need to be reassured frequently that they are loved. This can feel clingy and needy to those with secure or avoidant attachment styles

People with avoidant attachment styles are independent and feel uncomfortable with extreme vulnerability and intimacy. Too much closeness feels suffocating. Since they struggle with deep intimacy and trust, they often unconsciously create ways to leave or sabotage their romantic relationships. 

They tend to connect to a partner, and then pull away when the relationship feels too intense. They don’t talk about or even notice their feelings easily. They keep their emotions guarded, especially when they feel embarrassment, rejection, or failure.

In this video, I’m going to focus on the avoidant attachment style – the 5 signs you’re dating an avoidant, and what to do about it.

5 signs you’re dating an avoidant

1. Blows hot and cold

Intimacy is a trigger for an avoidant. They don’t want to be too dependent on anyone, because they might get rejected. While they want a partner, when you get too close, they pull away.

2. Uncomfortable with conflict

Avoidants tend to use distancing behaviors when they, their partners, or their relationship is distressed. That’s why if you express hurt feelings, they often take it personally and shut down. They react to negative emotions with anxiety and fear.

3. Doesn’t ask for help

They have more trouble than most people relying on others or having others rely on them. They will also not offer support, even when their partner asks for it, because it feels weak or embarrassing to have to depend on others.

4. Has trouble expressing and tuning into your emotions

Avoidants are less likely than others to decipher what their partners are feeling, especially during conflict. If your partner walks away from an argument or doesn’t want to deal with issues as they arise, it’s because they have trouble expressing their feelings and needs. 

5. Needs a lot of space in a relationship

They often feel suffocated with intimacy.

Can you be in a relationship with an avoidant?

It’s not easy, but if they’re willing to work with you, you may have a chance.

1. Reassure them that you do kind things for them because you enjoy it, not because they’re weak or needy

2. Listen without judging, and encourage them to share a little more of their feelings and needs over time

3. Reinforce the good you see in them

4. Be patient. Change is hard work and takes lots of time and practice.

5. Foster your independent lifestyle and allow them their freedom to know and love themselves

If you’re dating an avoidant, make sure to take care of your needs first, so you’re not depleted. And if he’s very shut down and cold and not open to change, it may be time to walk away and find a man with a more secure attachment style.

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