When to STOP Giving the People You Date the Benefit of the Doubt

Are you giving too many people you date the benefit of the doubt? You might be wasting precious time and energy!

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Have you ever been in a relationship where you gave someone the benefit of the doubt over and over again, only to have that person hurt you? Whether it’s at the start of dating or when you’re already in a relationship, giving someone the benefit of the doubt is often the wrong thing to do. Why do we do it, and how do we stop? That’s what I’ll be covering in this video.

What is the “Benefit of the Doubt”?

Benefit of the doubt is an acceptance that a person is truthful or innocent if the opposite cannot be proved. 

Oxford Dictionaries

Let’s focus on the last part of this definition – “innocent if the opposite cannot be proven”. If we can’t prove that someone has bad intent, we let things slide. And while it’s healthy to see the world as a friendly place rather than believing everyone is out to get you, it’s also important to get curious when something feels off.

Why do we give people the benefit of the doubt?

1. You struggle to recognize and validate your own feelings and opinions
2. You don’t want to see the truth, because it would possibly cause the relationship to end
3. You don’t trust yourself
4. You want the fairytale ending, so you ignore red flags

Let’s look at how doubt shows up in dating and relationships…

BEFORE YOU MEET

• When messaging online, and he stops texting for a few days.
• When he asks for your number, and then you don’t hear from him.
• When he sends messages about your looks, but he doesn’t address anything unique to you.

AFTER A FEW DATES

• When he doesn’t message or call between dates.
• When he pushes for sex too soon.
• When he talks about himself too much on dates.

IN A RELATIONSHIP

• When he doesn’t notice when you’re sad or having a hard time.
• When he doesn’t initiate sex anymore.
• When he is busy at work or going through a crisis and pays less attention to you.

I encourage you to initially give a man the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. But, if the same thing keeps happening over and over — such as consistently talking about himself and not including you in the conversation even after you’ve set your boundaries, or being overly critical or controlling — this is a deal breaker. Walk away from this relationship.

Pay attention to the early signs of a man who’s inconsistent, whose words and actions don’t match. It’s a red flag when someone doesn’t follow through over and over again.

Look for signs that a man is caring, trustworthy, honest, and reliable. If you are truly ready to go on your last first date, look for those qualities, and don’t give the benefit of the doubt to men who lack the character traits that are important to you.

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If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your person, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help: https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group for women 40+ https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Check out my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

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