Do You Need to Heal Before Dating Again?

Do you need to heal before dating again after loss or a breakup? In this video, you’ll learn how to heal and when to move on to date again.

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Do you have to heal completely before dating again after a breakup, divorce, or loss? The short answer is no, because we are never completely healed, and there’s a risk of doing so much healing, you put off dating altogether. But, the longer answer is it’s important to do some healing and self-reflection before jumping into a new relationship, or you will run the risk of repeating unhealthy dating patterns. In this video, you’ll learn about the type of healing that’s necessary and how to assess when you’re ready to start dating again.

Do You Need to Heal Before Dating Again?

What does it mean to heal after a relationship ends?

There are many emotions that come up after ending a relationship, and most of us don’t want to feel pain of any kind, so we get busy denying or pushing away our feelings. The problem is, if you don’t sit with those emotions at first, they will return again and again. These emotions serve an important role in helping you heal.

Some of the key emotions people experience are sadness, grief and anger. Sitting with sadness helps us grieve the loss of the relationship, no matter how good or bad it was. Processing that sadness can help us work through it so we can eventually assess what we could have done differently and will do better in future relationships. 

Anger can help us realize what values and needs weren’t met in the relationship so we can look for those red flags in the next relationship. If we don’t work through our anger, we might feel a bond with the next person we date who is angry at their ex. That can feel like a powerful connection at first, but without other foundational elements of compatibility, that type of relationship will quickly crash and burn. And the pattern will repeat itself until you begin to heal.

It’s also important to do some healing if we have childhood trauma of any kind. For example, if you grew up in a home where you felt insecurely attached to your caregivers, you will repeat those patterns in your romantic relationship until you have new tools to help you develop more secure attachments.

Four steps to healing after a breakup

1. Accept that the relationship is over.

2. Feel and process the feelings of loss.

3. Adjust to life without your partner.

4. Let go of the dream and fantasy of the relationship you had, and move forward to find new and meaningful relationships.

How long does it take to heal?

If you wait to be completely healed, you will wait forever, as we are never completely healed. How do you know you’re healed enough to date again? Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I understand the challenges in my last relationship and taken steps to shift those patterns, even if I have not completely changed them yet?
2. Does my sadness, anger, grief, frustration, resentment or pain towards my previous partner feel less alive and active on a daily basis in my thoughts, emotions, and body?
3. Has enough time passed that I can date a new person without comparing everything they say and do to my previous partner?
4. Have I stopped fantasizing that somehow I will reconnect with my previous partner?
5. Why do I want to begin dating again? What am I looking for now?

We never completely heal from relationships or any past trauma. However, it is important to heal enough to embrace new opportunities for love, companionship, and deep intimate connection. The fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt again can stop us from dating and opening to love. And that’s why it’s important to ask yourself the five questions above so you know you’re ready to take that next step.

Dating can be fun, scary, exciting, and challenging. In a healthy relationship, the healing will continue as you build trust and attune to your new partner. What is most essential for you to address before dating again?

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If you’re curious about how coaching can help you work through issues like trust, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, shyness, repeated patterns in dating and more, let’s talk! I offer a complimentary 45-minute breakthrough session to anyone who’s seriously interested in working with me. Apply here: https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join the Woman of Value Club, where we have a monthly masterclass on topics like this one. Learn more and join here: https://lastfirstdate.com/the-woman-of-value-club/

Join my free Facebook group for women 40+ https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Check out my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.

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