Why We Repeat Dysfunctional Relationship Patterns

dysfunctional relationship patterns

If you have repeated dysfunctional relationship patterns, this video is for you. You’ll learn why you repeat them and how to stop!

—

Do you repeat dysfunctional relationship patterns over and over, even though they make you feel terrible? It doesn’t seem to make sense to repeat a pattern that leaves you frustrated and hurt. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who’s toxic to you? In this video, I share four reasons why we repeat destructive relationship patterns and five ways to break this pattern and have healthy relationships. 

4 reasons why we repeat destructive patterns

  1. It’s familiar. We repeat behaviors because they are familiar to us, whether from childhood or any other past trauma. We know what to expect from them. And that’s why we will choose someone who’s not good for us, because the unknown is scarier.
  2. We learned it growing up. In childhood, we learn our core beliefs, coping skills, and behavior patterns that we used to cope with our families of origin. We unconsciously carry these patterns into adult relationships.
  3. We want to heal our childhood relationships. However you felt growing up in your family – powerless, unloved, rejected, unheard, unseen – we have a tendency to be attracted to people who remind us of our most unhealthy family relationship. We do this to hopefully gain the acceptance or love of that person in an unconscious effort to heal the relationship with our family member. Unfortunately, this leads to us recreating the role we played in childhood and experiencing a similar painful outcome.
  4. We think we deserve to fail at relationships. If you were traumatized in any way as a child, you were probably told you were the problem, or you were the reason there were problems in your family. Even if you weren’t blamed directly, family shame is internalized and self-esteem suffers to the point where we might believe we deserve dysfunctional relationship as adults.

5 ways to begin changing dysfunctional relationship patterns

  1. Become more aware of the patterns in your family of origin. The way you were raised became the model or blueprint for your adult relationships. To raise awareness, educate yourself about family systems and toxic family dynamics. Work with a therapist or a coach like myself to help you heal these patterns in your adult relationships
  2. Become aware of your behavior. It’s crucial to become more aware of the part you play in dysfunctional relationship dynamics. No matter how badly someone treats you, we are responsible for the way we act, think, and feel. We can learn strategies to speak up, become more self-compassionate, and attract healthier relationships.
  3. Heal your trauma wounds. We are drawn to dysfunctional relationships because of our core beliefs, such as fear of abandonment, abuse, emotional deprivation, fear of failure, and more. It’s important to learn how to feel lovable in order to attract healthy, stable, loving relationships. Until you heal your trauma wounds, you’ll continue to seek out partners who are incapable of loving you.
  4. Learn and practice new relationship skills. As you heal, it’s important to learn new skills and tools, such as effective communication and boundary setting, self-compassion, regulating our emotions, and practicing self-care.
  5. Practice self-compassion. It’s difficult to make big changes in how you do relationships. It takes time. So, practice self-compassion as you grow and practice new skills.

Don’t let the dysfunctional relationships of your past get you down. If you do the inner work and practice new skills, there is hope for better, healthier, happier relationships. Change is possible at any age. What’s one small step you’ll take today to change your dysfunctional relationship patterns?

NOTE: This video was inspired by this article in PsychCentral.

If you’re curious about how coaching can help you work through issues like trust, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, shyness, repeated dysfunctional patterns in dating and more, let’s talk! I offer a complimentary 45-minute breakthrough session to anyone who’s seriously interested in working with me. Apply here: https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join the Woman of Value Club, where we have a monthly masterclass on topics like this one. Learn more and join here: https://lastfirstdate.com/the-woman-of-value-club/

Join my free Facebook group for women 40+ https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Check out my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.



from Last First Date https://ift.tt/jzYP8yQ

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10 “Deep Penetration” Positions for More Intense & Fulfilling Sex

Image
Discover The Best Positions for Deeper & More Pleasurable Sex–And How to Get as Deep as Possible (Regardless of Your Size)… Click Here to Discover 5 All-Natural Foods That Get You Hard-As-Steel FAST (And Allow You to F**k Her Deeper Than Ever Before)… Sex is great–there's no denying that. And one thing that makes sex great is that there are so many different positions you can experiment with. However, while most men tend to go for the standard missionary and doggie style during sex… what if you really want to go deep inside her, and give her more intense pleasure? BRAND-NEW: This “Raging Bull Secret” That Helps You Last Longer In Bed Is Almost Sold Out (Click Here to Get It!) The truth is, many women love this kind of deep penetration… though few guys know how to do it correctly. So that's what I want to talk about today. I'll show you 5 “deep penetration” positions for beginners, 5 “deep penetration” positions for more advanced guys… plus: my favorite “deep ...
Read more

If you want to get more information about honeymoon then you should choose our Gurugram escort agency

Image
 Very few people will explain about honeymoon in detail. Most people take the name of honeymoon but they hardly know about honeymoon. Honeymoon is celebrated after marriage when you bring a bride to your home after getting married, after that you go to have a honeymoon with the same bride. Honeymoon is called as if you have just got married and have a wife and you have been with her for some time, so we call it honeymoon. There are many things about honeymoon in every person's mind, but not all people are able to take full advantage of honeymoon because they do not know much about honeymoon. Our Gurugram escorts agency is a boon for those who do not know much about honeymoon. We inform you about our honeymoon through our Gurugram escort agency. Our Gurugram Call Girl gives you a demo class. Our Gurugram call girl will tell you where you should go and not go on a honeymoon. Also, our Gurugram call girls will also explain how you should treat your wife and take care of her wishes. ...
Read more

Take a honeymoon feeling with a Gurugram call girl without getting married

Image
Men who want to experience honeymoon come to our Gurugram escort agency Our Gurugram escorts agency is famous for giving new experiences to men in Gurugram. The men of our agency always get new experiences. Men always choose our escorts agency as they get some new experience. Our new service is for men who are not married and need an experience to understand how to make their life happier with their wife after marriage. Why You Should Have Experience Before Getting Married Sometimes it happens that we get married without any experience and later we do not understand why our wife is not happy with us, we try our best but we are not able to make our wife happy. And we never understand why this is happening, we never get the exact reason and our marital life is not happy, for such men our Gurugram escort agency has started honeymoon escorts. We say that you should contact our escorts agency before marriage so that you do not have to face such problems that your wife is not happy with you...
Read more