The Psychological Impact of Dating Apps

dating apps

Dating apps can negatively impact us. My podcast guests, therapists Nazanin Moali and Richard Espinoza, help us date with more compassion.

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​Dr Richard Espinoza and Dr. Nazanin Moali have always shared the fantasy of playing matchmaker. As clinical psychologists specializing in sexuality and relationships, they have the skills to quickly understand how people think, feel, and relate to others through talk therapy and psychological assessment. Given how well they know love languages and personalities, they often fantasized about their clients meeting and connecting. And that’s how the LA Love Lab was created, offering quality master classes and unique speed dating events designed to spark your best match.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • What the paradox of choice has to do with dating app failure
  • The psychological effects of ghosting 
  • How to deal with the anxiety of meeting in person
  • The psychological toll of rejection in dating

EP 627: Nazanin Moali and Richard Espinoza – The Psychological Impact of Dating Apps

Many people feel that dating apps are falling short. What does the paradox of choice have to do with why dating apps can be overwhelming and unsatisfactory for many users?

Nazanin: People feel there are too many options. They think there will always be the next one. Or they look for the 100% match and don’t work on the relationship in front of them. The other issue is we’re not really investing in the conversations we’re having online.

Richard: I think it’s a byproduct of consumerism. If we go into a supermarket, we have so many options. Dating has become a commodity like that, too. We have so many options. We fragment people and we fragment ourselves. 

Ghosting seems to be a widespread issue with dating apps. What are the psychological reasons behind this phenomenon, and how does it affect users?

Nazanin: Ghosting can trigger our insecurities around ‘am I good enough?’ It can bring up our childhood wounds. We don’t see people, so we don’t show the same respect as we would in person. The ghoster is usually someone who avoids conflict. In our family of origin, if we didn’t get what we wanted, we might have been shamed. Another issue is lack of investment. Another aspect is people use ghosting as a way of asserting control. Ghosting can be helpful if you’re feeling unsafe.

Richard: I agree with what you said about safety. Unfortunately, ghosting can feel appropriate when their opinion will be challenged or they won’t take no for an answer.

Many people experience anxiety about transitioning from online interactions to in-person dates. How can individuals address this anxiety, and why might dating apps contribute to it?

Nazanin: Focus on your why – why am I doing this? It’s uncomfortable to go on first dates and date online. What are my core values and why am I sitting with this emotion? Take action because your why is important. Tip: do a quick grounding exercise before going on a date. Journal. Do breathing exercises. Do something you like right before a date so you are at your best.

Richard: Understanding ‘what’ anxiety is: excessive negative and worry thoughts about future events we can’t control. Once we claim ownership of our minds, we can do better. Honor your experience. Check in with yourself. What is my central nervous system telling me?

Continuous rejection on dating apps can take a toll. What are the psychological effects of this, and how can users build resiliency?

Nazanin: My client would say it’s not rejection, it’s protection. See rejection as an opportunity to practice the skills you’re working on. Repeated rejection can lead to dating fatigue. They lose hope and excitement. It also increases our pessimism that there’s no match out there or there’s something wrong with me. We turn it into a story, which is dangerous. It can trigger abandonment issues. To build resiliency, make sure you’re creating a balanced life and carving out time for friends, hobbies, self-care. Deposit into your emotional bank regularly. 

Richard: Accept that fear of rejection is a human experience. We’re social creatures and want to form connections. That’s why it hurts so much when someone rejects us. Once we become friends with our mind, we can shift it to the positive. 

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Nazanin: Stop questioning your worth. Identify patterns and adjust them, either on your own or with support. Also ask what I bring to a relationship. Don’t shrink yourself in dating. Share more of your authentic self early on.

Richard: Self-compassion and self-love – it begins with the internal dialogue with yourself. Being nice to yourself will help you attract compatible matches. 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Connect with Dr. M & Dr. E

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get Sandy’s books: Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



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