5 Reasons Why You Can’t Get Over Your Ex

If you’re finding it hard to get over your ex, this video is for you. Learn 5 reasons why you’re stuck and 5 ways to move on and heal.

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If you’re finding it hard to get over your ex, you’re not alone. The healing process can be long and painful. And while everyone processes the grief of a breakup differently, it can take anywhere from three months to several years to get over an ex. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship was, some breakups take a bigger toll on our mental health. 

The most important thing in healing from a breakup is to do the work necessary to get unstuck and move on. I’m sharing five common behaviors that may be sabotaging your healing process and some helpful ways to finally get over your ex.

5 Reasons Why You Can’t Get Over Your Ex

1. You’re catastrophizing the breakup. Sure, the breakup hurts. But, when you exaggerate what actually happened, the pain of the breakup will last much longer than necessary. If you believe this was the best relationship you’ll ever have and this person was your true soul mate, the ‘one’, your twin flame, your healing will take much longer than necessary. 

The solution: Instead of looking at the breakup as the worst possible thing, focus on all the deal breakers and red flags in the relationship. Then, journal about how those deal breakers would have made you feel if the relationship had continued. 

2. You’re obsessing about the “what-ifs. After a breakup, are you consumed with ruminating thoughts about what things would have been like if you only had said or done something differently? Rumination and self-blame can lead to lower self-esteem. Your negative critical thoughts become part of your identity. When you obsess about what should have happened instead of what actually happened, you won’t be able to learn from or grow beyond this relationship.

The solution: Minimize the “if-onlys” about the breakup. Focus instead on what actually happened.

3. You believe there’s a chance it’s not over yet. In order to truly move on, you must believe it’s really over and want to let go. However, many of us hope for a chance at reconciliation. Rom-coms and romance novels paint a false narrative about breakups that lead to the big reconciliation and everyone lives happily ever after. As long as you expect to get back together with your ex, you will continue to feel sad and close yourself off to meeting someone who is available for a relationship.

The solution: Go no contact after a breakup. As difficult or harsh as that may seem, it’s the best way to get them out of your system. Otherwise, every time you get a text or see them on social media, it will put salt on the wound of your breakup and the healing will take so much longer.

4. You miss the intimacy. After a breakup, you miss your ex primarily because you miss the intimacy. There’s a scientifically good reason for that – your body is going through hormonal withdrawal. Suddenly, you’re deprived of all those bonding hormones that were released when you cuddled or were physically intimate in any way. Many people think they miss their ex, but what they miss is the sex!

The solution: Get your oxytocin from your friends, your family, and your pets. This is the time to call in the troops to give you hugs so you don’t call your ex late at night when you’re simply missing a hug.

5. You don’t want to face the truth. People who love you will tell you your ex wasn’t good for you. They’ll point out the problems in the relationship. They’ll tell you to stop following your ex on social media. They will challenge you, and you may not want to hear the truth. Healing includes being able to receive honest feedback. If you don’t face the truth, you’re more likely to make the same relationship mistakes in the future.

The solution: Be open to feedback, even if it’s difficult to receive. Recognize that your friends want to help you.

Getting stuck on an ex is common, but there are ways to get unstuck so you can work through the breakup. These five tips can help you heal much faster. Take good care of yourself, and seek extra support if you’re having a very hard time. You’ve been through something emotionally challenging, so be kind and patient with yourself as you heal and grow and finally get over your ex!

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