How to Get a Second Date

second date

How do you get a second date when you’re interested in someone? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some excellent tips!

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How do you get a second date? My podcast guest, T. Joel Wade, has some tips for you! He is a Presidential Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University. His research focuses on mate attraction, mate selection, mate expulsion, love, and relationships. He’s the author of numerous articles in social and evolutionary psychology journals, and his research has been covered in media outlets including the BBC, NPR, and CBC, and numerous national and international news magazines.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 
  • What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  
  • How the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differs

EP 648: T. Joel Wade – How to Get a Second Date

Do the actions men and women use to get a second date differ, and if so why? 

Biology plays a role. Women tend to be more likely to give a second date to a man who seems to be interested in more than sex. Etiquette behaviors are important. He’s polite, shows interest, and doesn’t pressure her for sex. The connection is more emotional for women.

For men, they want a second date if they feel a sexual attraction and there’s a possibility that sex could occur. If she’s overtly sexual, that might not lead to long term relationships, and if he’s looking for more, she would get a second date if she flirts, smiles, touches him, etc. If she drinks alcohol, it tends to be a positive sign that she’s willing to consume alcohol. Synchronized behaviors and postures also play a role in attraction.

What are a few things people can say or do to get a second date?  

Some things happen naturally, like eye contact, listening, being focused on the other person. Display altruism and willingness to help. On the second date, there’s more self-disclosure. Then you begin to see likes, dislikes, and personality.

Let’s talk about flirting. Do the actions men and women use to signal attraction to a potential mate differ, and if so why? 

There are some similarities in unconscious behaviors like eye contact, focusing on the other person, etc. There is a difference between how men and women flirt based on their mate preferences. The actions that are most effective for men are seeing interest in emotional connection. Gift-giving shows kindness. Altruism – willingness to offer help. Men look for signs that a woman is interested emotionally and sexually. There is not a lot of difference in behaviors cross-culturally.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Be aware that dating is an information gathering exercise where you’re finding out if you’re compatible. Take your time, be open, don’t come on too strong, and trust your instincts.

Watch on YouTube

Connect with T Joel Wade

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