Why Do We Miss Red Flags in Relationships?

red flags in relaitonships

It’s common to miss red flags in relationships. Why do we excuse or dismiss these bad behaviors? Watch this video to find out.

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So many of us miss red flags in relationships. We minimize them, excuse them, and ignore behaviors that should be considered warning signs early on. Why do we make excuses for bad behaviors or even have red flag blindness? In this video, I share six reasons we might miss red flags, and four things we can do if we ignored bad behavior in the past.

Why Do We Miss Red Flags in Relationships?

Six key reasons why we might miss red flags in relationships

Reason #1: Red flags are subtle at first
Red flags aren’t always so obvious. They can often start subtly at first and slowly escalate, making them harder to identify when we’re infatuated with our romantic partner.  

Reason #2: We tend to focus only on the positives
If you’re the type of person who always looks for the positive traits in others, you’re probably ignoring red flags. If you’re invested in making a relationship work, you might have a tendency to overlook potential issues in order to maintain the relationship. 

Reason #3: We excuse the inexcusable
Do you make excuses for bad behavior? Do you dismiss concerning behaviors by attributing them to something temporary, like stress or fatigue? Do you give your partner the benefit of the doubt too many times? You’re excusing the inexcusable!

Reason #4: Bad behavior was normalized in your past
If you’ve been in relationships where similar unhealthy behaviors were normalized, you might not see these behaviors as red flags in a new relationship. This is also true if you grew up in a home where unhealthy behaviors were normalized. It makes it difficult to recognize when someone has crossed a line.

Reason #5: Your partner’s charm and affection blinded you
If you’ve ever experienced lovebombing or the spell of a very charming person, you know what it’s like to be manipulated by the intense initial phase of the relationship. This makes it difficult to see warning signs early on.

Reason #6: We were afraid to discuss how we felt about their behavior
If you fear conflict, you might ignore or push aside red flags, because acknowledging them can be uncomfortable or lead to difficult conversations. 

If you ignored red flags in the past, please be kind to yourself. As you can see, people miss red flags because they may be subtle, appear gradually, are influenced by a desire for the relationship to work, can be rationalized away, or stem from past experiences that normalize certain behaviors, making it harder to recognize them as warning signs. Our brains can sometimes prioritize the positive aspects of a relationship and downplay potential issues. 



Four things to do if you’ve ignored red flags in the past

  1. Pay attention to your gut feeling: If something feels off, it probably is. 
  2. Be aware of the most common red flags: Educate yourself on behaviors that can indicate an unhealthy relationship. Here are a few: controlling behavior, lack of respect for boundaries, excessive jealousy, constant criticism, dishonesty, gaslighting, love bombing, lack of communication, emotional manipulation, frequent anger outbursts, and disregard for your feelings or needs
  3. Communicate early on: Address your concerns with your partner and see how they respond. 
  4. Seek support: Discuss your concerns with people you trust. Work with a dating coach or therapist to help you understand your red flag blindness.

Which red flags have you ignored in the past? What will you do differently in the future so you don’t miss those red flags again?

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



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