The Art of Radical Listening
What is radical listening? And how can it help improve all our relationships? My podcast guest, Robert Biswas-Diener has the answers!
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What is radical listening, and why is it important in our relationships? Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is the co-author of the soon-to-be published book, Radical Listening, The Art of True Connection. He’s a researcher, author, and consultant. His previous books include The Upside of Your Dark Side (New York Times Bestseller, 2014), and the 2007 PROSE Award winner, Happiness. He has presented keynotes to Lululemon, Deloitte, Humana, AARP, The World Bank, and others. In 2024, Thinkers50 named him one of the “50 Most Influential Executive Coaches in the World.” He lives in Portland, Oregon, where he enjoys drawing and rock climbing.
In this episode:
- How Radical Listening moves beyond traditional active listening techniques
- What people trying to accomplish when they listen
- How the 6 Core skills of Radical Listening enable us to better communicate with
- others
- How Internal and External listening skills complement each other
- How we can effectively overcome those barriers to better approach our conversations
EP 651: Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener – The Art of Radical Listening
How does Radical Listening move beyond traditional active listening techniques?
Radical listening is not shocking, it’s about extending listening beyond what we do in active listening. One of the things we think is most important is that listening is about accomplishing things.
What are people trying to accomplish when they listen?
They’re trying to figure out your intention: do you want to be validated or solve problems? Both parties are equal in the relationship. When the speaker is speaking, they’re making bids to entertain, connect, etc. Your job as the listener is to try to figure out what they want from you. Do they want empathy, support, or something else? We often miss what others want.
To learn what people want, we ask open questions to invite more information.There are better and worse questions. You want to ask questions that reveal something about the person – their feelings, or who they are. “What’s your take on that?”
How do the 6 Core skills of Radical Listening help us communicate better with others?
The overarching thing to do is listen with positive intent and to understand the other person better. The first three core skills are internal and the next three are external.
The six skills are:
- Noticing
- Quieting your inner chatter
- Acceptance: even without similarities, try to accept the other person’s point of view
- Acknowledging: say something about what you’ve noticed
- Questioning: asking open questions
- Interrupting: \You can either take turns talking, or you can jump in with a ‘wow’ or ‘me too’, which are interruptions which return the focus on the speaker.
What are two obstacles to radical listening?
Comparing and competing are two obstacles to listening well. Competing would look like trying to outdo the other person. Comparing is a cousin to that. For example, you share that you studied abroad. And the other person says, “I studied abroad, too! Here’s what my experience was like.” It’s disconnecting.
How can we effectively overcome those barriers to better approach our conversations?
Any time you’re listening with intention, knowing what you want to accomplish, you’re more likely to hear the emotional tone, the themes of what you’re saying. And if you’re the speaker, be clear about what you’re looking for.
What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
Begin with a positive intention – listen with respect and ask great questions to learn about someone, and also be willing to give of yourself. Think about the times you were deeply listened to – how did it feel? Go do that!
Connect with Robert
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