What’s Your Conflict Management Style?

conflict management

Conflict management is difficult for most of us. In this episode, discover your conflict management style and how to do conflict better.

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What’s your conflict management personality? Dr. John Eliot, PhD, co-wrote a book on this topic. He mentors executives and advises professional sports teams, coaches, and athletes on psychological principles for enhancing health, performance, and workplace culture. He has consulted for NASA, the US Olympic Committee, the Mayo Clinic, Sony, and Microsoft. Eliot has held professorial appointments at the University of Virginia, Stanford, Rice, SMU, and the Texas Medical Center, winning teaching awards at each.

In this episode:

  • Why John decided to focus his research on conflict personalities
  • How our conflict responses are rooted in predictable patterns
  • How we can predict behavior in high-pressure or emotionally charged situations
  • How someone’s ‘Conflict’ personality changes between home and work
  • Why it’s important to understand our triggers

EP 650: Dr. John Elliot – What’s Your Conflict Management Style?

Why did you decide to focus your research on conflict personality styles?

My co-author and I do a lot of organizational training, and we discovered that the tools that help us understand ourselves are fantastic for communication when things are going well. But when a speed bump comes along, something knocks you off kilter. We veer away from our normal communication style during those times.

What are the five conflict personalities?

  1. Avoider
  2. Competitor
  3. Analyzer
  4. Accommodator
  5. Collaborator

How can someone’s ‘Conflict personality’ change between home and work?


At work it can be easier to be rational. Many people have a different go-to at home than at work. One of the reasons is the mission is different. We can compartmentalize better at work and keep our emotions from spiking. At home, the mission is the relationship, caring for your family and loved one. So the lines are blurred.

When it comes to conflict, why is it important to understand our own triggers?

Knowing your hot buttons is crucial so you can predict where you’re more likely to get away from being yourself. It will also help you know which of your conflict styles will be the habits you go to. Find one little thing you can do to get back to center. Do you need a breather? To be heard? To listen?

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

The fundamental needs we all share are a need to be heard, to be cared for, and to be of value. Understand that it’s about your helping them and them helping you meet each other’s needs. Try to understand the value of the other person. Be curious and interested. We are designed to be in pairs and groups. We can accomplish a lot together. We’re teammates.

How to Get Along with Anyone: The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing Conflict at Work and at Home by John Eliot and Jim Gunn is available at the Conflict Docs website: https://www.theconflictdocs.com/Home 

IG https://www.instagram.com/theconflictdocs/

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