How to Stop Falling in Love Quickly

If you’re prone to falling in love quickly, watch this video. You’ll learn how to slow down and choose the right match for you.
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Falling in love quickly can feel exciting, like you’ve finally found your match. And then, when you become physically intimate, your brain begins to release feel-good chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins. You become infatuated and begin to obsess over this new person in your life. Combine that with your romantic ideas about love, and you’re head over heels in love. But are you really in love? If you tend to fall in love quickly, it’s probably affecting your ability to enter into healthy relationships. Here are five ways to slow down the dating process so you can balance your heart and head and find a healthy relationship.
5 Ways to to Stop Falling in Love Quickly
1) Create a list of must-haves in a partner.
It’s important to be mindful of the qualities you would like to find in a partner. Creating a simple must-have checklist can help you to get clear on things you can’t live without in a future partner.
Name five things you must have in a partner. Your list might include:
• Generosity of spirit
• Likes to laugh at the absurdities of life
• Self-awareness and growth mindset
• Family values
• Good communicator
When dating, check to see if your date has some if not all of your must-haves. This list will keep you from ignoring your core needs in a partner, especially if the attraction is off the charts!
2) Create a clear list of deal breakers. Even if you feel an initial connection with someone, check for any red flags. Because one red flag makes all the good qualities null and void.
Examples of deal breakers:
- Impatience
- Controlling behaviors
- A lack of personal growth
- Discussing ex-partners with anger and blame
- Talking about their traumas early on in the relationship
- Moving too quickly (saying you’re the ‘one’, pushing for physical intimacy before you’re ready)
- Poor communication
- Anger issues
- Unkindness to service workers
If you have an insecure attachment style, you might be missing or dismissing red flags. If you do notice a potential red flag, it could be a sign to end the relationship before it begins or to ask questions to understand the red flag better. If it’s still unclear whether you should end things, set a boundary for that person to respect your space, body, time, or energy. How they respond will tell you all you need to know about whether to go on another date.
3) If you have an insecure attachment style, practice healthier attachment behaviors
Examples of secure attachment behaviors:
- Date slowly. Go on many dates over several weeks or months before committing to an exclusive relationship
- Be open about your emotions and look for a partner who’s comfortable being open about theirs
- Take space when you need it and see if your partner respects your needs
- End a relationship if you feel it is dysregulating to your nervous system
- If you end a relationship because of deal breakers, do not get back together
4) Create a life you love
If you tend to jump from one relationship to the next, it might be due to low self-esteem. I recommend creating a life you love before falling in love with someone else again.
Find hobbies and volunteer work that makes you happy. Take yourself on dates, and do things you’d love to do with a partner. Go to dinner by yourself or travel alone. Join meetup groups and find new friends who share similar interests. And consider keeping a journal to track your progress as you work on self-care and self-love. When your life is full, you’re less likely to turn to a relationship to make you happy or “complete you”.
5) Match their energy.
If you tend to jump in too quickly, you may be missing signs that the other person is not that invested in getting to know you. So, pay attention to the way they are investing in the relationship. How do they communicate with you? How are they when you’re together and especially apart? How do they respect your time, energy and space? Pay attention to all the signs and match their energy. Don’t over-invest with someone who is not investing in getting to know you.
If you tend to fall in love quickly, your picker is probably in need of repair. Join my broken picker workshop on Sunday April 6th: https://lastfirstdate.com/brokenpicker
If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your person, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application
Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate
Get Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life
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