How to Break Your Toxic Dating Patterns

Do you have toxic dating patterns that are making dating and relationships frustrating and heartbreaking? Watch this video!

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People often ask me, “Why can’t I break this toxic dating pattern, even when I know the partners I choose are not good for me?”

I tell them, “We seek what’s familiar to us.” Even when it’s painful. Even when it’s the last thing we want.

We do this because what we know deep in our nervous system from early childhood —  feels safer than what is unfamiliar to us. It’s not your fault. Your inner wiring is still running old scripts — scripts built on conditioning, pain, unhealed wounds, and survival strategies.

When you’ve lived in chaos, criticism, or abandonment, you unconsciously seek out those feelings again — not because you want it, but because it feels familiar.

Here are five ways to break your toxic dating patterns.

How do you break your toxic dating patterns?

To begin to break your toxic dating patterns, make the unconscious conscious. Learn to observe yourself in a new way. And start to shift those patterns — not with shame, but with curiosity.

Here are 5 steps to breaking your toxic dating patterns:

1. Name it. Start by naming three things in your past relationships that feel unhealthy or misaligned. Only three. Keep it simple.

2. Explore it. Discover when each of those three things began for you. How old were you? Was it something that was modeled by your caregivers? Was it spoken outright or was it a message that was silently implied growing up?

3. Feel it. Sit with whatever feelings come up when you think about those three unhealthy patterns. Don’t try to analyze your feelings. Just be present with them. Breathe. 

4. Journal. Writing about your experience is a great way to continue healing. Try these five prompts to bring your unconscious patterns into the light:

• These relationships were attractive to me because ________
• What I hate about this pattern is I become ________
• If I could break this pattern with something healing, I’d choose ________
• Believing I deserve that feels ________

Choose one small thing you can do today to support your new, healing pattern. Something bite-sized. One action, like setting a boundary, saying no, asking for help, journaling instead of reacting.

5. Be kind to yourself. Most importantly, practice being compassionate with yourself. Patterns don’t shift overnight. They shift through awareness and repetition. You’ll probably still be attracted to the same type of person, but you’ll be able to process the attraction in a healthier way. Over time, you’ll be able to break your toxic dating patterns and become attracted to secure, healthy people. 

You haven’t repeated the past because you wanted to suffer. You did it because somewhere inside you, it felt like home. It’s time to build a new home. One that feels safe and expansive. One that matches the life and love you’re ready for.

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If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your person, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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