How to Heal Trauma in Yourself and Your Relationship

heal trauma

If you don’t heal trauma in yourself, you will carry it into every relationship. Listen to this episode to learn how to begin to heal.

—

How do you heal trauma in yourself and in your relationship? Tarah and E.J. Kerwin, founders of Relationship Renovation in Tucson, Arizona, help couples build stronger, healthier connections through therapy and online programs. They co-host the Relationship Renovation Podcast and a YouTube channel, sharing actionable tools rooted in intentional communication and empathy to support couples worldwide.  

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • Subtle signs that past trauma is influencing someone’s current relationship, even if they feel they’ve ‘moved on’ from it
  • How to define emotional safety in a relationship, and why is it the foundation for lasting connection?
  • A few key tools from your Relationship Renovation Model that couples can use to navigate trauma-related triggers
  • The very first mindset shift to start healing

EP 678: Tarah and E.J. Kerwin – How to Heal Trauma in Yourself and Your Relationship


What are some subtle signs that past trauma is influencing someone’s current relationship, even if they feel they’ve ‘moved on’ from it?

Tarah: For me, it’s an internal sign of walking on eggshells. I don’t trust what’s happening and go into caretaking mode. 

EJ: We hear a lot about trauma today. We’ve all suffered a level of trauma in our lives. It’s really about your nervous system, getting triggered and then dysregulated. It could be a raised voice. When someone’s breath becomes more shallow and it says something got triggered.

You’ve shared that you were once a serial monogamist who struggled to maintain long-term relationships. What was the turning point that helped you break those old patterns?

Tarah: I’ve experienced so much trauma with my twin sister in our family of origin. I was a serial monogamist and thought I was doing great. When I got into a relationship with EJ and had twins right away, I was angry and resentful towards my husband even though I loved him. I said “When I say burnt toast, that’s our code word that means I’m not good for me, you or our kids and need a time out”. I would take some time to calm myself. I would listen to the RAIN technique from Tara Birch’s podcast. It helped me not intensify and re-traumatize. I started to have compassion for how I was so resilient as a little girl. I began to feel all of my feelings.

Can you walk us through a few key tools from your Relationship Renovation Model that couples can use to navigate trauma-related triggers?

EJ: If you look at the trigger, which is just stimulus, and then look at your reaction, you’ve tapped into deep sorrow and sadness. If one person gets triggered, the other person gets triggered and activated. 

Tarah: When a trigger hits, go through your thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and ask yourself what does this remind me of? Negative core beliefs are developed early on. You are safe now. Your adult voice comes in to guide you when you’re triggered. Define a safe space for yourself. Go there internally when triggered. That helps you regulate your nervous system.

For individuals or couples who feel stuck in unhealthy cycles, what’s the very first mindset shift they need to make to start healing?

EJ: Look internally. Something is triggering big feelings. What is going on inside? Shift to hold up a mirror to what’s inside instead of blaming the outside. What are you feeling? Bore down deeper and deeper.

Tarah: Even though we had harsh external circumstances, I always loved love. I felt light and love around me, even though I shouldn’t be alive. I think “who is my heart?” instead of listening to my thoughts. I remember my heart and be a source of love and light for others.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Tarah: Get to know yourself and have respect and boundaries for what you’re needing. Have your invisible shit shield that protects you from their stuff so it doesn’t get on you. 

EJ: You want to have your hand on the control of your boundaries, what you will and won’t tolerate. You’ll see if they feel safe and honest. You’re going to be able to modulate whether it feels safe to you. Be nuanced and have boundaries. You’ll meet someone who has attunement and is aware of you and be responsive.

Watch this episode on Youtube

Connect With Tarah and EJ

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



from Last First Date https://ift.tt/f3d67ol

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best OnlyFans Girls In The USA 2023

Image
There are so many pretty girls on OnlyFans that it's almost hard to keep track. Obviously, this makes it hard to figure out which subscriptions are the best. Which ones are really worth paying for? Which ones will have the most hot content? It's easy to see why there are so many questions, so we've put together a list of the best OnlyFans models of 2023. We'll talk about which models have the most content and which ones even let you sign up for free! No matter what, we promise that by the time we're done here, you'll have some great girls to check out. So, let's get down to business! Not much time? Here is a quick list of the most-wanted models. Picture Model Name Onlyfans Account Monthly Cost Skylar Mae On OnlyFans, there's a girl for every kind of person, and Skylar Mae caters to some unusual fetishes for those who are interested. Skylar is your girl if you want a subscription that will get you some girl-on-girl acti...
Read more

Take a honeymoon feeling with a Gurugram call girl without getting married

Image
Men who want to experience honeymoon come to our Gurugram escort agency Our Gurugram escorts agency is famous for giving new experiences to men in Gurugram. The men of our agency always get new experiences. Men always choose our escorts agency as they get some new experience. Our new service is for men who are not married and need an experience to understand how to make their life happier with their wife after marriage. Why You Should Have Experience Before Getting Married Sometimes it happens that we get married without any experience and later we do not understand why our wife is not happy with us, we try our best but we are not able to make our wife happy. And we never understand why this is happening, we never get the exact reason and our marital life is not happy, for such men our Gurugram escort agency has started honeymoon escorts. We say that you should contact our escorts agency before marriage so that you do not have to face such problems that your wife is not happy with you...
Read more

If you want to get more information about honeymoon then you should choose our Gurugram escort agency

Image
 Very few people will explain about honeymoon in detail. Most people take the name of honeymoon but they hardly know about honeymoon. Honeymoon is celebrated after marriage when you bring a bride to your home after getting married, after that you go to have a honeymoon with the same bride. Honeymoon is called as if you have just got married and have a wife and you have been with her for some time, so we call it honeymoon. There are many things about honeymoon in every person's mind, but not all people are able to take full advantage of honeymoon because they do not know much about honeymoon. Our Gurugram escorts agency is a boon for those who do not know much about honeymoon. We inform you about our honeymoon through our Gurugram escort agency. Our Gurugram Call Girl gives you a demo class. Our Gurugram call girl will tell you where you should go and not go on a honeymoon. Also, our Gurugram call girls will also explain how you should treat your wife and take care of her wishes. ...
Read more