Should I Stay or Should I Go? Relationship Advice

should I stay or should I go

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “should I stay or should I go” when in a relationship, here are 5 tips to help you decide.

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Should I stay or should I go? Early dating can feel surprisingly confusing. One moment you’re hopeful and excited. The next, you’re questioning everything. You like him, but something feels off. Or maybe nothing specific is wrong, yet you’re not ready to go all in.

This back and forth is called relationship ambivalence. It’s the mental tug of war between staying open to the relationship unfolding and wanting to walk away and find a better fit.

For women in midlife, ambivalence can be especially tricky. You’re wiser now. You know yourself better. And you’re far less interested in wasting time. But discernment and fear can sometimes feel very similar.

I’m sharing five tips to help you sort out whether your ambivalence is information worth listening to or anxiety asking for reassurance.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? 5 Tips to Help You Decide

1. Separate discomfort from disinterest

Not all discomfort is a red flag. Early dating can feel awkward, vulnerable, and unfamiliar, especially if you’re trying new patterns instead of repeating old ones.

Ask yourself:
Do I feel uneasy because this is new, or because something feels misaligned?

How do you know it’s merely the discomfort that comes with getting to know someone? There’s usually curiosity and openness to know more about the person, in spite of the uncomfortable feelings. Disinterest tends to feel flat, draining, or obligatory. The first stretches you. The other shrinks you.

2. Look at patterns, not moments

One awkward date, delayed text, or miscommunication does not define a relationship. Ambivalence often intensifies when we zoom in too closely on individual moments like these. Instead, step back and ask yourself:

  • How do I generally feel after spending time with him?
  • Do I feel more relaxed over time or more on edge?
  • Am I consistently feeling seen and respected?

Patterns reveal the truth. Single moments create confusion and assumptions.

3. Check your body, not just your thoughts

Your mind will debate endlessly. Your body is more honest and trustworthy. Notice what happens in your body when you think about seeing him again.

Do you feel calm, open, and grounded?
Do you feel tight, heavy, or guarded?

Nervousness is normal in early dating. Chronic tension is not. Your body knows the truth long before your brain is ready to decide. Pay attention.

4. Ask yourself whether you’re dating potential or reality

One of the biggest sources of ambivalence in dating is focusing on the potential of who someone could be instead of who they are right now.

Ask yourself:
If nothing about him changed, would this be enough for me?
Am I staying because I feel hopeful, or because I feel fulfilled?

Early dating is about evaluating present-day compatibility, not future promises or imagined growth.

5. Give yourself permission to pause instead of decide

You don’t need a yes or no answer right away. Ambivalence often means you need more data.

Instead of forcing clarity, remind yourself:

  • I’m still getting to know how I feel.
  • I’m going to slow this down and stay curious.
  • I’m allowed to take my time.

Pressure clouds your intuition. Space sharpens it.

Ambivalence is feedback, and it’s important to pay attention to what comes up. Sometimes it’s pointing to misalignment. Sometimes it’s highlighting old fears that need to be healed.

The goal is not to eliminate uncertainty but to listen to it. When you trust that you will walk away if the relationship is not a good fit, staying becomes a choice instead of a confusing question. And that is how you eventually go on your last first date!

FREE download: “The Green Light Guide to Dating After 50: How to Show Interest Without Chasing” https://lastfirstdate.com/green-light-guide/

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with me and explore how private coaching can help! https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join my free Facebook group, Your Last First Date https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating: Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.



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