7 Habits of Highly Effective Daters

Are you a highly effective dater? Practice these 7 habits, and you’ll be on your way to dating success!

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Highly effective daters achieve success by fully committing to the dating process with good habits. If you want results in fitness, you adapt new habits and stick to them consistently. It’s the same with dating. I’m sharing seven of the most healthy habits for successful dating that will help you meet your match. They’re based on the brilliant work of Stephen R. Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. 

7 Habits of Highly Effective Daters

1. BE PROACTIVE: It’s easy to feel like a victim of circumstances that feel out of your control when it comes to finding love. Dating and relationships can be frustrating. Maybe your parents were poor role models, and that’s why you’ve been in unhealthy relationships. Or maybe you live in a small town and the pickings are slim. Those things might be true, but there’s always something you CAM do when you are more proactive. Highly effective daters take responsibility for learning the skills it takes to date effectively, no matter their personal or romantic history.

2. BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND: Without a clear vision for what you want, it’s hard to achieve anything great. If you walked into Dunkin’ and asked for a donut, what would you get? A confused crew member who would have to ask you, “What kind of donut do you want?” With so many choices, if you’re not specific, you will get a donut you don’t like – and then be upset. If you want to find love, you need a clear vision for that, too. Do you want a long term relationship? Do you want to find a partner with specific qualities? Set your goal and work backwards. Figure out what steps you need to take in order to create a relationship with a partner with the traits you are seeking. 

3. PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST: Learn to manage your time well and prioritize love. This is where your vision for love gets put into action. Did you set up time every day to spend on dating sites? Are you looking for ways to meet new people in real life? Are you going to social events on a regular basis? If you don’t prioritize your love life, chances are pretty good that nothing will change.

4. THINK WIN-WIN: Many people believe there are only so many good people to date. They go on dates thinking, “it’s probably going to be another bad date.” Instead, I suggest you see every date as a win-win situation: prepare questions and conversation starters so you make the best of every date. See each date as an opportunity to experience a new person and learn more about yourself. 

5. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD: Good communication is crucial to healthy relationships. But it’s a skill that doesn’t come naturally to most people. If you want to improve your love life, learn to listen and communicate more effectively. Most of us filter our listening through our own experiences, what Stephen Covey calls autobiographical listening. We make false assumptions about the people we are talking to on dates. This is dangerous, as it can lead to misunderstandings and assumptions. When you listen before you seek to be understood, you will have a better chance of making a deep connection and finding your match.

6. SYNERGIZE: Synergy is the belief that “two heads are better than one”. A guy I once dated wrote in his profile that in a good relationship, 1 + 1 = 3. Turns out this is directly from Stephen Covey. In a great relationship, you compliment your partner and in doing so, many new and wonderful things emerge. The key is in recognizing and valuing the complimentary traits in a potential partner. In coaching, you can learn to identify what character traits will complement you most effectively.

7. SHARPEN THE SAW: I see this as havinga growth mindset. Keeping yourself in growth mode for the rest of your life will increase your chances of finding your match. If you don’t have the desire to grow and learn, you become stagnant and, let’s be honest, boring! In a great relationship, two people are dynamically moving forward on all fronts, working on self-improvement. Physical, social/emotional, spiritual and mental growth must be nurtured for a truly great relationship to flourish.

Stephen Covey has added the 8th habit of highly effective people:

8. FROM EFFECTIVENESS TO GREATNESS: Once you’re in a good relationship, what’s next? Relationships must be nourished in order to thrive. That means communicating with compassion, working through conflict with grace, and making time for each other on a regular basis.  Doing this will keep your relationship alive and growing for many years.

Which of these seven habits are you already practicing? Which is a growing edge that you’d like to work on? Please leave me a comment.

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If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

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