How She Went From Purity Culture to Polyamory

polyamory

She went from purity culture to polyamory, and her husband stayed monogamous. Find out more on this episode of Last First Date Radio!

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What happens when you go from purity culture to polyamory? My guest, Courtney Boyer, became polyamorous while her husband stayed monogamous. She is a relationship coach, writer, and speaker focused on love, desire, and authenticity. A former therapist, she blends mental health and sex-therapy expertise to help women release shame, reclaim their voices, and build honest, autonomous relationships. She lives in Germany with her husband and three children, endlessly learning and writing her next chapter.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The beliefs from purity culture that shape our understanding of relationships and sexuality
  • How Courtney realized polyamory felt aligned with who she now was
  • The impact of polyamory on motherhood
  • How to better understand mixed-orientation relationship structures

EP 693: Courtney Boyer – From Purity Culture to Polyamory (While Her Husband Stayed Monogamous)

What were the beliefs and expectations from purity culture that most shaped your early understanding of relationships and sexuality, and how did you start to recognize they didn’t fit you anymore?

Purity culture is a subset of the Evangelical church. Dating is to find a mate. Save yourself for marriage. There are a lot of teachings around modesty and no sex before marriage or you’ll go to hell. We’re taught that men are walking sex sticks. I remember hating my body because it was always causing problems. I needed to cover up my big breasts. 

The wakeup call was when I was researching for my first book, “Not Tonight, Honey: Why women actually don’t want sex and what we can do about it”, I was studying sexuality and why women feel so disconnected from their bodies. As I did more research, I became enraged at the patriarchy. My marriage was falling apart. My husband had PTSD and resisted change. 

What was the turning point when you realized non-monogamy, or specifically polyamory, felt aligned with who you are?

On our 17th wedding anniversary, our marriage was suffering, so I asked my husband if he wanted a threesome, and he said “what’s wrong with you, why would you ask that?”. So I then suggested non-monogamy, not polyamory. He said no. But after 6 months, he agreed, and I became non-monogamous and eventually polyamorous.

How did you and your husband navigate the emotional, practical, and ethical conversations around you becoming polyamorous while he chose to remain monogamous?


He was more liberal growing up than I was. It was an identity crisis for me, and I got help for myself and my marriage. It was a huge shift. My coach helped me come home to my body, because purity culture screwed me up. We then got a wonderful therapist who helped us communicate and understand our triggers.

How has this journey impacted your motherhood?


The first year, we kept it from them. I was still ashamed of who I was. I wanted to be “normal” and was afraid of what others would think. My oldest daughter thought I was having an affair and confronted me. I came out to her and the others, and they were so supportive. That’s been so healing for me. I’m more intentional as a mom.

How has this journey transformed the way you think about love, commitment, autonomy, and partnership, and what do you wish people understood about mixed-orientation relationship structures like yours?

I learned that you can create a beautiful life on your terms. I think of it like every person is a quartz crystal. When the light hits a quartz crystal, each facet is a different way of living and loving, which opens you up so much. It requires a lot of intention to live a lifestyle like this.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Believe that you are deserving of your last first date if that’s your heart’s desire.

Connect With Courtney

Social media and website: https://linktr.ee/coachcourtneyboyer 

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



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