How to Rethink Our Approach to Modern Dating After 40

Is modern dating broken? Emma Smith says NO, we just need to rethink our approach to dating in the 21st century.

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Is modern dating broken? My podcast guest, Emma Smith, is a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma, sex therapy, and LGBTQ+ healthcare. A former military consultant, she has been an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and sexual assault survivors. She writes The Intimate Philosopher on Substack, and in her free time loves reading, running, crafting, and all things sparkly.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • The biggest myths about attraction and intimacy
  • The outdated dating advice people should ignore and what to focus on instead
  • How the unspoken “rules” impact dating and how people can break free from them
  • How people can cultivate more meaningful and fulfilling connections without feeling overwhelmed
  • A practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy

EP 662: Dr. Emma Smith – How to Rethink Our Approach to Modern Dating After 40

What are some of the biggest myths in modern dating about attraction and intimacy?

One myth is that we mistake chemistry for compatibility and comfort for connection. Neither is a good indicator for safety and depth. Just because you’re drawn to someone in the beginning doesn’t mean your lives will work together in the long run. Go on two dates minimum to see who you both are. Don’t look for the bonfire of sparks. Another myth is that intimacy is about closeness, but it’s also about space. Space to long for and be separate to get together. The final myth is that men only want sex and women only want love.

What outdated dating advice should people ignore, and what should they focus on instead?

Let go of the belief that texting too soon is too eager. We need to stop punishing availability. Let the other person that you had a great time and would love to see each other again soon.

Another dating “rule” is that it’s a woman’s job to be wanted, but she’s not supposed to ask for what she wants. You get to choose. Desire doesn’t bloom in control. It blooms in presence and authenticity. 

Ask yourself where this person is going to fit into your life. What do you need to share on a first or second date? Facts, a bit about your personality, but not your darkest secrets. Some things remain private. As you date more, ask what they do for fun, what type of vacationer are they? As you get to know them better and are ready for sex, share about your STIs and sexual preferences. 

What’s one practical mindset shift or piece of advice to rethink our approach to love and intimacy?

One mindset shift is that love isn’t something you earn, it’s something you co-create with another person. Ask yourself, what kind of love do I want to build with someone else? 

Another one is to make space for contradictions. That tension is something to be aware of. Don’t put yourself into a box to make yourself more likeable. Friction is helpful in a relationship.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

I encourage people to think about the things they value and like about themselves. When you go on a date, focus on those parts of you and the fact the person who’s right for you will like those special qualities that you have.

Connect With Emma

Watch this episode on Youtube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



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