Breakup Recovery: How to Heal From a Breakup and Date Again

heal from a breakup

How do you heal from a breakup and when do you begin to date again? Learn about breakup recover on the podcast with Cole Zesiger.

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Cole Zesiger is a breakup and relationship coach specializing in breakup recovery, dating advice, and relationship coaching. After a divorce at 23 and another breakup soon after, he began sharing his journey on social media—growing to over 750,000 followers across Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and more.  He has coached 2,000+ people through heartbreak, helping them either rekindle relationships in a healthy way or move on with peace. His practical approach blends psychology, attachment theory, and real-world strategies to guide people from heartbreak to healing.  When not coaching, Cole enjoys time with his wife and daughter, playing guitar, dirt biking, and exploring the mountains. His debut book, Ex’s and No’s: The Breakup Advice You Don’t Want to Hear, offers a proven roadmap to rebuild self-worth, master communication, and create healthy, lasting love.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio

  • What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?
  • Do you really need closure after a breakup?
  • Is it ever a good idea to get back together?
  • How do attachment styles affect breakups?
  • Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

EP 691: Cole Zesiger – Breakup Recovery: How to Heal From a Breakup and Date Again

What keeps people from moving on after breaking up?

Three things need to be present in order to move on. 1. There has to be a narrative that it makes sense that the relationship is over. 2. Life has to be at least as good in the present as it was in the past. 3. You need proof that love exists in the world, that you’re capable of feeling attraction again. It could be going on dates or joining social groups. 

We give mental energy to things that are unclosed in our lives, especially when we don’t know why. This applies to breakups. With a breakup, if you feel you can’t get closure, try to see the bigger picture and how it led you to where you are today. Look at what you’ve gained, what you’re grateful for, and how the skills you gained led you to become who you are today.

Is it ever a good idea to get back together with an ex?

In a calm moment, write down three to five things  that you’d need to see change in your partner for the relationship to work. The list has to be understood by a seven year old. Specific. Actionable, and measurable.

How do attachment styles affect breakups?

Secure attachment: Grieves the loss of that person, but believes they are worthy of love. They focus on what’s in their control quickly.

Anxious attachment: Denial. Love exists, but I need to get my ex back. I will mold into anything I can to be loved. They also grow a lot.

Avoidant attachment: I’m good enough. Love can hurt me so I have to keep it far away. They jump right into dating apps again and it comes back to bite them soon after. They avoid healing.

Disorganized attachment. They usually have off and on relationships. Switch to open relationships, to situationships.

Should you accept friendship right after a breakup?

Right after a breakup if one person has feelings, it makes it difficult to be friends. If you have moved on and want to be friends later on, that’s different. Most people beg for friendship, or the one who’s leaving will offer friendship as consolation. Anxiously attached people tend to accept friendship and hope the other person will begin to fall back in love eventually.

People go through the breakup loop of doom by staying friends. Eventually, one partner does something that gives the other hope that they will get back together. It’s a vicious cycle.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Build a life you’re fulfilled by before bringing someone into it. It can go too far if you’ve built such an established life that you don’t want to break routines. But, when you have a full life with a mission and meaning bigger than yourself and bring someone else into it, you’ll have an easier time with dating and relationships.

Connect With Cole

Watch this episode on YouTube

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Apply to get FREE coaching on the podcast: https://bit.ly/LFDradiocoaching 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



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