How to Overcome Limerence and Find Real Love

overcome limerence

How can we overcome limerence and find true love? Amanda McCracken wrote a fabulous book on this topic. Tune in to the pod to learn more.

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Do you want to overcome limerence and finally have a healthy relationship? My podcast guest, Amanda McCracken, wrote the book on how to stop infatuation to find authentic love. She’s a journalist passionate about experiences that highlight the intersection of wellness, travel, and relationships. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, Vogue, and many others. She is considered a “limerence expert” and intimacy advocate. Her 2023 TED Talk, “How Longing Keeps Us From Healthy Relationships,” and her podcast, The Longing Lab, highlight how longing can become self sabotaging and shares how to change our patterns of longing. McCracken is also a part-time university instructor, massage therapist, triathlon coach, and competitive athlete. 

In this episode:

  • The key characteristics of limerence
  • Who’s most likely to be affected by limerence?
  • How limerence affects your everyday life
  • How limerence and love addiction are alike and different
  • How having ADHD predisposes one to having limerence
  • How the current dating scene/culture affects those that experience limerence 

EP 713: Amanda McCracken – How to Overcome Limerence and Find Real Love

Highlights of this episode:

Limerence: definition and personal backstory

  • Limerence = intense, obsessive rumination/idealization of a romantic interest; “crush on steroids.”
  • Can occur without a relationship starting; long-lasting “limerent objects” persist for years.
  • Amanda linked her long history of limerence to later ADHD diagnosis (hyperfixation, dopamine/anticipation-driven reward).

Causes and contributing factors

  • Potential roots: attachment disruptions, subtle childhood traumas, birth separations, eldest-child/perfectionist roles.
  • ADHD, social media, dating apps, hookup culture, and AI-enhanced interactions amplify uncertainty, intermittent reinforcement, and rumination.
  • Cultural myths (Hollywood chemistry) confuse anxiety-driven attraction with healthy love.

Healing and therapeutic approaches

  • Combine neuroscience (interrupt rumination / trigger-behavior-reward cycles) and somatic work (body-based emotional awareness).
  • Psychological work: build self-worth, challenge illusion of control, release blame, practice mantras (e.g., “I am ready for and worthy of a deeply intimate and loving relationship”).
  • Practical indicators of healthy partners: trust, consistent actions, care, curiosity, patience, emotional regulation, and reliable behavior (not just attraction).

Dating coaching, matchmaking, and practical dating advice

  • Dating apps and modern dating dynamics can fuel limerence; focus instead on long-term relational qualities (communication, conflict resolution, trust).
  • Beware of unqualified/overpromising dating coaches; look for experience, ethical practices, and evidence-based approaches.
  • For a “last first date”: do personal inner work, cultivate readiness (right person, right time, right you), and prioritize trust and consistent action over instant chemistry.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect with Amanda:

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Submit your dating dilemma to be answered on my podcast https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma 

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



from Last First Date https://ift.tt/0lsMRPx

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