How to Love Deliberately in Midlife and Beyond (Without Working So Hard)

love deliberately

How do you love deliberately in midlife and beyond without repeating old patterns and working so hard? Tune in to this episode to find out!

—

How do you love deliberately in midlife and beyond? Alfina Lofaro is a kinesiologist, coach, author and speaker helping people build healthier relationships with themselves and others. Through Love Deliberately, she teaches self-awareness, communication, boundaries and compassion, drawing on more than two decades of experience and her own lived journey to help audiences connect with greater intention and responsibility.

In this episode:

  • How doing more in relationships impacts your relationship with yourself
  • Why we repeat relationship patterns while waiting for the other person to change
  • How COVID revealed the quality of people’s relationships
  • Why your body reacts when your mind wants to respond differently


EP 720: Alfina Lofaro – How to Love Deliberately in Midlife and Beyond (Without Working So Hard)

Highlights of this episode:

Kinesiology & coaching approach

  • Kinesiology (AU) described as energy modality combining traditional Chinese medicine and chiropractic; differs from US physiotherapy.
  • Alfina uses muscle testing to ask the body what it needs, set goals, and reveal unconscious patterns in priority order.
  • Focus on balancing the “triangle of health”: structure/function, biochemistry, mental-emotional.
  • Work is collaborative: kinesiology is “with you,” not “done to you”; body reveals only what the client is willing to address.
  • Practical aims: neutralize charged sabotage programs, create new neural pathways, define deliberate behaviors (boundaries, communication, reciprocity).

Repeating patterns, healing, and “loving deliberately”

  • Common root: childhood learning (e.g., people-pleasing, “earn love” belief) teaches behaviors that attract similar partners/situations.
  • Steps to change: awareness → neutralize emotional charge (kinesiology/acupressure) → choose new actions and practice them repeatedly.
  • Key coaching targets: clarify needs vs. wants, set boundaries, practice asking for/receiving support, learn forgiveness and trust skills (with practical how-to).
  • Age is not a barrier: examples of clients in their 60s–70s successfully shifting patterns and forming fulfilling relationships.
  • Metaphor: sabotaging beliefs act like charged magnets; neutralizing charge enables choice rather than automatic repetition.

COVID, dating, and relationship dynamics

  • COVID intensified daily exposure between partners, magnifying existing strengths and weaknesses (less external input → more “marinated” relationship energy).
  • Outcomes diverged: some couples imploded; others deepened connection or accelerated commitments; singles faced increased loneliness but more intentional dating.
  • Telehealth and online programs (e.g., Relationship Reset) helped people confront deficits in communication, conflict resolution, creativity in intimacy.
  • Practical takeaway: use intentionality in dating (ask “energizing or draining?” after dates), clarify needs, and use coaching/tools if patterns persist.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Alfina

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



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