Rewriting Your Love Story: From Old Wounds to Healthy Choices

your love story

How do you rewrite your love story to choose a healthy partner this time around? Spoiler alert: heal your trauma!

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How can you rewrite your love story so you end up in a healthy relationship? Owen Smithyman works with self-aware people who have done significant work on themselves – talk therapy, somatic work, plant medicine, coaching — and still feel something running in the background, making decisions for them or making life difficult. As a Peak States Therapy Practitioner, he helps clients resolve emotional wounds permanently, relate more authentically, and live a more vibrant life.

In this episode:

  • How past trauma shapes our choices in dating and relationships
  • The relationship between beliefs and trauma
  • What are peak states, and how are they relevant in dating?

EP 728: Owen Smithyman – Rewriting Your Love Story: From Old Wounds to Healthy Choices

Highlights of this episode:

Why people get stuck in healing

  • Cognitive/verbal work often creates strategies but not deep resolution; symptoms keep returning (analogy: repeatedly pumping a tire with a slow leak).
  • Awareness/insight alone frequently isn’t enough to change unconscious bodily associations or attachment patterns.
  • Some issues are subtle or multigenerational (epigenetic/generational trauma) and increase fragility to stress.
  • People sometimes unconsciously recreate familiar trauma (diathesis-stress model) or avoid happiness because chaos feels familiar and “safe.”

Trauma patterns in dating & relationships

  • Family-of-origin dynamics often replay in adult relationships (e.g., attracting overbearing partners when a parent was overbearing).
  • Associational trauma and projection: unconscious associations make people feel familiar/safe with unhealthy dynamics; projections make partners seem to possess traits that actually originate in the observer.
  • Common behaviors driven by trauma: provoking untrustworthiness, seeking drama for dopamine, attempting to “fix” partners, and expecting others to fill unmet internal needs.
  • Rewiring attachment and attraction is possible by resolving the underlying bodily trauma rather than only applying cognitive strategies.

Therapies, methods & practical steps

  • Somatic-focused approaches (e.g., EMDR, NARM, EFT, Peak States Therapy) target trauma in the body and use nervous-system modifiers (bilateral stimulation, tapping, regression) to allow safe discharge and integration.
  • Peak States Therapy: described as a toolbox-oriented somatic method attractive to both analytical and experiential minds; useful for complex or generational trauma, projections, and attachment patterns.
  • Simple in-session practice: say a limiting belief aloud → notice the emotion → scan the body to locate the trauma sensation → apply an appropriate somatic trauma process.
  • Practical self-care steps: prioritize bodily care (sleep, movement, nutrition) to reduce baseline distress and clarify relationship issues.
  • Try multiple modalities and practitioners to find what truly resolves the stuck patterns.

Watch this episode on YouTube here:

Connect With Owen

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

Send me your dating dilemmas to be featured in an upcoming episode: https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

Join Your Last First Date on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate

Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life



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