Dating Advice: What Men Do That Turn Women Off

What are the top five things men do on dating apps that turn women off? These are mistakes that can be fixed so easily.

Men on dating apps often turn women off through small mistakes they don’t even realize they’re making. They’re simply doing what feels natural, and a few small shifts can change how a woman experiences them, and whether they succeed at finding a good match.

I’m sharing five of the most common mistakes men make on dating apps that turn women off.

5 Ways Men on Dating Apps Turn Women Off Without Realizing It

1. Opening with a one-word message

A simple “Hey” or “Hi” lands in her inbox, and she has to do all the work of figuring out how to respond. Women over 40 tend to be thoughtful, busy, and discerning. A one-word opener tells her very little about who you are or why you chose her. It feels like the lowest level of effort, and she probably won’t respond.

Try this instead: mention something specific from her profile. If she posted a photo hiking in Vermont, ask about her favorite trail. If she mentioned she loves cooking Sunday dinners, ask about her favorite recipe. One personal sentence shows you read her profile and care about the person behind it. That is often all it takes to stand out.

2. Choosing photos that turn her off

Photos are the first thing a woman notices, and some choices raise questions about a man’s character. A shirtless selfie or a bathroom mirror shot can leave her feeling that he put very little thought into how he shows up. A picture with an ex blocked out suggests that chapter may still be open or he’s too lazy to get new photos. The dead fish. The motorcycle. A group photo where she cannot tell which one is you sends her on a guessing game… and swiping left.

Try this instead: choose three or four recent photos that show you at your best. A clear, smiling headshot, a full-length shot in an outfit you love, and one of you doing something you enjoy, like hiking, cooking, or playing with your dog, give her a real sense of you. Ask a friend to take them in good natural light. Photos like these tell her you are more serious about dating and meeting someone new.

3. Writing a no-effort bio

He may think it sounds like he’s easygoing by writing, “Ask me anything, I’m an open book” as his entire “about me”, but she has nothing to go on, nowhere to begin a conversation. Most women simply swipe left, looking for a profile that gives them something to respond to.

Try this instead: write a few sentences that give her a place to begin. Share what you do for fun and a few details that makes you uniquely you, like your Sunday morning bike rides or your famous chili. Each detail becomes a doorway for her first message.

4. Venting about the app and listing demands

Guys, if you talk about what you don’t want, your profile reads like a complaint form. Saying how frustrating the app is, how many fake profiles are out there, or a long list of what you refuse to put up with…that sets a negative tone before she’s had a chance to get to know you. 

Also, please don’t list your physical requirements for what you want a woman to look like, such as the height, weight, or dress size. A woman reading profiles like this will immediately swipe left.

Try this instead: describe what you are looking for in positive terms. “I’m hoping to meet a woman who laughs at Seinfeld and enjoys long conversations over sushi”. That will invite the right woman in, and she’s much more likely to swipe right to learn more about you.

5. Giving short answers and asking no questions

Conversation is a two-way street, and women notice when they are the only ones carrying it. If she shares a story and you reply with a few words and no follow-up questions, she will quickly lose interest. She might not say anything. She’ll simply stop responding and block you.

Try this instead: treat each message as an invitation to get curious. When she mentions a trip, ask what surprised her most and where she’s planning to go next. Follow-up questions tell her you’re listening, and when she feels your curiosity, it will make you so much more attractive. 

A note for the women on dating apps

If you recognize some of these mistakes in the men you are talking with on the apps, you might offer a little grace at first before moving on. Most men are not doing these things on purpose. They are clueless. They may not have not dated in a long time and are learning how the apps work. 

If you ask two questions and he doesn’t ask anything back, the next message should be a statement, like “that’s interesting” or “cool”.And if the pattern continues after that, don’t school him as to what he’s doing wrong. Simply move on to find a better match.

What do you think? Is there something a man did on an app that frustrated you? I would love to hear about it. You can send your dating challenges through my Dating Dilemmas feature at https://tinyurl.com/datingdilemma, and I may answer your question on the blog or the podcast.

And remember: it’s never too late to go on your last first date.

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• If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find love, apply for a complimentary 30-minute love breakthrough session with me https://lastfirstdate.com/application
• Women only: Join the “Your Last First Date” Group on Facebook https://facebook.com/groups/yourlastfirstdate
• Are you really ready for the relationship you want? Take my Free Quiz https://lastfirstdate.com/dating-relationship-readiness-quiz/ 
• Get my books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love and Love at Last: True Stories of Falling in Love Later in Life

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